Fall

I know I have been slacking on my  blogging lately, but I really have been so busy that I can't think. In fact, I'm writing this late at night (as I do many of blog posts) just to fit in some time to blog. Gideon is snoozing next to me with the cat curled up on his side, and I can hear the wind ripple through the trees outside our bedroom window.

I love this time of year. I text messaged Gideon last week telling him how happy I am about the changing seasons, after driving to work among the rapidly changing fall foliage. While I had rolled up my car's windows - after paying $226 to fix my air conditioning system a couple months ago, I refuse to turn it off now - I could feel the crispness of the air just by looking at the various shapes and shades in the sky. It was like 50 Shades of Grey, but with less bondage and more science. The sun peeked through a cloud, just enough to announce itself but not too much to blind me into speeding off the road. (Though my car would have been perched really nicely on the orange-red tree-tops, which is about as beautiful as deaths come.)

I have always loved fall for many reasons. I love the orange-red tree tops. I love wearing boots and scarves and sweaters for reasons other than fashion. I love sitting by the fireplace with a cup of coffee and a good book. I love how cute my cat looks when he sleeps outside, enveloped by fallen leaves that complement his yellow-orange fur. As I said, these are things I have always loved about fall and always will. This year, though, I have a new reason to adore the season so much.

Forgive the pun, but last year during this time I started to fall in love in a real, all-encompassing, share-the-last-slice-of-pizza kind of way. At the beginning of November last year, I had just broken up with my long-term boyfriend and I was driving to Fayetteville to visit Gideon. The relationship I had been in was not healthy; I'm just now truly realizing how unhealthy it was. It took away my ability to love myself, so you can imagine how much it freaked me out to fall so deeply in love so soon after the break-up.

I recall driving through Mountain View, a small town about an hour outside of my college town. The road was twisty and commanded my full attention, something I became grateful for once I saw the landscape and the trees and the sky.  The colors overwhelmed me. Nature overwhelmed me. It was so beautiful, and I realized that just three days ago I wasn't able to see the beauty.

Then, I saw Gideon and we started casually dating over a period of two months. During this time, I denied to everyone - including myself- that I was falling in love. "Ha, we're just friends," I told my friend Kelby during one of our walks around a lake on Lyon's campus. "Of course he'd be super lucky to be with me, but everyone knows that."

Like the changing season, I fell in love with Gideon naturally. Nothing felt forced; in fact, I fought vehemently against it. I didn't want to immediately start dating someone new following a break-up, especially since the relationship with my ex-boyfriend lasted so long. I mocked women who could never remain single, and I definitely did not want to become one of them.

 But I did. I'm so happy I did. There's a quote from a song by The Avett Brothers - I think the song is "November Blue" - that captures how I feel better than I ever could: I've fallen like the leaves. (I'm not sure if they meant it in a positive way, but I do and it's my blog so you'll just have to accept the context.) It's such an awe-inspiring feeling that I can't properly describe it. It's a lot like fall, really, in the way the air has changed.

I can look out the window now and see an orange and red tornado, leaves swirling about before settling on the concrete below. I can do this with an amazing, patient, respectful man next to me. Because he's humble, Gideon would never take credit for my transformation from a bitter self-hater to a person who believes in love and people. But he did. He saved me.

It'll be winter soon, then spring, then summer and finally fall again. And next year at this time, I'm sure I'll still be falling for Gideon as orange leaves fall on my feet.