Starting the Year Off Right-ish

Well, it's 2015.

The only difference between 2014 and 2015 so far is my newfound obsession with The Celebrity Apprentice. I mean, I have always liked the show, even when it featured real people and not burned out celebrities trying to reclaim their notoriety. (No offense to the goddess Leeza Gibbons or my best friend Gary Busey. Or Lisa Rinna, who is amazing and starred in one of my favorite evening soap operas ever, Melrose Place. By the same coin, I'll exclude beautiful Ian Ziering and the wonderful Joan Rivers. I am realizing very quickly that I carry a flame exclusively for 90's television stars.)

I like the show even more now, though, because I can force Gideon to watch it with me. When we watched the premiere episode Monday night, he casually remarked, "I like this show. Is there a second episode up?"

I took this to mean, "Why, this is my favorite show ever and I want to watch it nonstop. Let's get married and adopt Gary Busey so that we can have a child with experience on the show without having to wait a couple decades for the thing to grow up." In all fairness, it's not too far off from what he really meant.

I can't understand anything he says, but isn't that like all infants?

Last night, we watched the second episode, in which articulate but baby-faced Kevin Jonas attempted to go head-to-head with Geraldo Rivera and predictably lost. I attribute part of this loss to Donald Trump's obvious friendship with Rivera. Both are pretty Republican and pretty outspoken. They've probably had really expensive scotch together while discussing how all the paupers drink beer and wear bandanas. 

I doubt Kevin Jonas has ever spent a crazy night with Trump crediting conservative policies with saving America. That, not his failed leadership or his choice to bring hot hot hot Ian Ziering with him into the boardroom, is why he was sent home. (Let me quickly note that I am not dissing conservative politics, simply pointing out a bond between Trump and Rivera. Though I personally think Republican policy is stupid, it's up to Republicans to be stupid, not me to criticize them for it.)

Anyway, in the second half of the episode the teams were asked to set up a tasting for some frozen food company. Terrell Owens led Team Vortex and Vivica A. Fox (AKA the most amazing sassy woman in the world) led Team Infinity. Team Infinity obviously won because Fox dressed up as a male gym coach, complete with a mustache and a gruff voice, and yelled at all the consumers to eat their food and to enjoy it, damn it! She is my idol.

In the boardroom, T.O. brought Rivera and inappropriately hilarious comedian Gilbert Gottfried back with him.  You'll all remember Gottfried for his poorly timed joke about 9/11, or maybe because he voices the Afflac duck. He's not everyone's cup of tea, but I think he's fearless and I admire people who speak their minds. He is also Gideon's favorite contestant of the season. Or, rather, was Gideon's favorite contestant of the season.

Trump sent him home presumably because of a comedy routine gone wrong during the tasting. (A snippet of the routine: "I have two children and they are a miracle. The miracle is a woman had sex with me TWICE." I am amazed by this man.) But since Trump the hypocrite has all but called Obama the n-word on Twitter, he blamed the firing on Gottfried's lack of passion for the show. 

Gideon and I were both sad. 

I think I'll start doing recaps of the show, because I enjoy all the contestants and I enjoy ridiculing Donald Trump even more. And it'll give me more blog material. I do hate it when all you readers (read: my mother and Gideon) go hungry.