Adulthood: The Drinking Game

I don't think I'll ever consider myself an adult, but I've certainly been taking steps in that direction since graduating from college a year ago. So far, being an adult isn't that bad. Sure, I worry about money at least three times an hour. But I did that before I had a full-time job and I'll probably continue to do it once I retire 60 years from now.

Overall, life is pretty great. I have a live-in boyfriend, an adorable yellow cat, a job I love and the chance to sleep in at least twice a week if not more. 

I've had many of those milestones you expect upon reaching adulthood - renting my first apartment, getting my first job, moving in with a human I'm romantically interested in who returns my affection - but I've noticed that there are lots of small moments that define growing up, too.

How better to commemorate these moments than with booze?* Or, specifically, a drinking game?

*Full Disclosure: I don't actually drink much after a brief affair with wine in college, so I haven't tested this out and probably won't. But you should try it out and tell me how it goes. Also, some of these tasks are kind of on-the-go, so you should keep a flask on your person at all times. And, hopefully, a designated driver.

Adulthood: The Drinking Game

Take one drink if: 

• You pay your rent on the day it's due
• You remember to pick up your prescription from the pharmacy
• You eat a meal with two servings of green things
• You feed the cat before he sits at his food bowl looking all melancholy
• You drink eight glasses of water in one day
• You switch over to whole wheat products
• You avoid sodas for a week

Take two drinks if: 

• You pay your rent the day before it's due
• You stifle your road rage to avoid upsetting passengers
• You don't curse around small children and then curse again because you're upset that you cursed around small children
• You get your car's oil changed on the date/mileage it's due
• You use coupons
• You turn down a social engagement to save money
• Your friends use you as a personal reference

Take three drinks if:

• You say "Let me check my bank account first" before a semi-major purchase
• You don't even sweat it when you have to fork over $260 to fix your car's air and heating system
• You wear matching socks
• You create a bi-weekly budget at the beginning of the year lasting until December
• You start calling your grandparents just to check in
• You eat salad because you actually want to
• You subsist on coffee

Drink it all if:

• You use the phrase, "When I was your age..."
• You begin taking your  mother's advice
• You call teenagers "youths"
• You don't drink in bars because it's cheaper to drink at home
• You start to fantasize about settling down and having a family
• You're more excited about watching your savings account grow than buying a new pair of shoes
• You spend an entire Saturday morning deep-cleaning your apartment

If this gets any of you into trouble with the law, feel free to call me and I'll send you a pack of cigs. After all, they are currency on the inside.