Hark! A birthday!

His first job: Cat Dad

Gideon turns 23 today. It is his second birthday that we've spent together and I'm finding it difficult to write something worthy of it. I've already given him his gift - I gave that to him on Sunday because I keep secrets worse than Monica Lewinsky - and I've had a piece published in the paper I work for in his honor, too.

Still, I can't figure out how to write something that accurately describes how important Gideon is to me. And since his birth is kind of the beginning of all this, it seems appropriate to express that sentiment today. 

When I met Gideon, I didn't believe I would ever find the right person for me. I confirmed this fear by finding the absolute wrong person and continuing to date that person for a period of years. Once that ended, I felt I was back to square one: hopeless but settled, lonely but comfortable. It wasn't the worst existence and I certainly wasn't risking getting hurt again, so things appeared much better than they had been, at the very least. 

That's when something wonderful happened. I started casually dating Gideon. Those two months before we began seriously dating felt kind of like a renaissance to me. Slowly but surely, I began allowing myself the small joy of talking to other people. I began texting Gideon every morning and ending most nights with him on Skype, and it felt so natural that I didn't worry about how other people would view me for moving on from a long-term relationship so quickly.

With Gideon, I felt as if I could do all the things I'd always considered impossible. Being with him, even casually, was a blank slate that I sorely needed to rediscover who I am and who I want to be. I know that sounds like a tall order, but Gideon didn't shy away from me the way many others had so I kept pinning all these implicit expectations on him. 

And he met those expectations. Every single one of them. During that time, he was a genuine, kind friend to me and tried his best to understand my intentions even when I freaked out and told him not to talk to me because I was on a date with some guy at Starbucks even though there totally wasn't a date and I was just telling him that to make him jealous. (I didn't say I'm problem-free, guys.)

We officially started dating January 5, 2014 after an apartment party where I drank so much different alcohol that I ended the night slumped over in a bathroom yelling, "Love me!" at Gideon, who was also intoxicated. This was certainly not the most flattering of ways to end up in a long-term relationship, but Gideon didn't seem to care. 

I don't remember a whole lot from that night (and, subsequently, have had little to drink since) but I do remember waking up that next morning. 

"Look outside," Gideon told me.

I wondered why I was wearing two different socks inside out but ignored it and looked out the window. The entire mountain (we lived on a mountain for a short period of time) was covered in snow. It was so white and so pure and I felt it symbolized everything that had happened to that point. I didn't have to worry about my troubles so much anymore; with Gideon, I knew, I'd be safe from all that pain. 

He's kept me safe since. In the past year, we have moved to Eureka Springs and started a life together, a life that continues to improve with each passing day. I am so lucky to have Gideon in my life; if I were into blasphemy, I'd say I was maybe luckier than I was to catch Lost on the night it first aired in 2004.

Happy birthday, Gideon! My world shines bright with you in it. I've a feeling it always will.