Fat talk

My friend Kelby is very tall and thin but expressed to me recently that he fears gaining weight. Often, he said, he believes he's much larger than he actually is. When he said that, I realized that I do the exact same thing.

Now, I'm not claiming to be some Amazonian woman. I'm definitely overweight. I know that. My butt could tell you so. But I'm much thinner now than I was two years ago, and I still see myself as large as I was then. I sometimes catch myself avoiding mirrors and jumping out of group photos just as I did then, hoping to avoid my image.

Considering I've gone down three pants sizes in two years, I'm wondering if I'm avoiding the image in my mind rather than how I'll look in a mirror or on film. In my mind, I'm still that person who wears old dresses and skirts to avoid the reality of pants-shopping. In my mind, I'm still that person who didn't go through sorority recruitment because I knew I didn't look the part.

I remember being much larger and always feeling judged when I entered a room. When I recall this, I don't think it was just in my head. People did see me differently when I was much larger. That's to say they didn't see me at all; instead, they saw a fat specimen. I was a thing to be mocked. I was sub-human.

Kelby confessed to having this same fear, saying he never wants to gain weight because he's seen the way others ridicule overweight people. Hell, I've been guilty of it myself sometimes and I'm obviously not fitting into any of Nicole Richie's clothes any time soon. The way I rationalize making fun of a fat person is by insulting people I don't like for reasons other than their weight.

If someone cuts me off in traffic, I'll throw a fat joke his or her way. I'd never do this to someone I like. If I like someone, his or her weight doesn't matter to me. But as I write this, I'm beginning to question if that's really a good explanation for insulting someone else based on his or her appearance.

How would I feel if I knew these people were doing the same thing to me? And what does it say about our culture that overweight people mock others for being overweight?

I feel the same sentiment applies to all appearance-based judgement. Too thin, too tall, too much acne, too pear-shaped. I've heard overweight women attack thin women. I've heard thin women attack overweight women. I've heard thin women attack other thin women.

I truly believe that, most of the time, insults aren't based on a person's appearance but rather what he or she has done or said. Fat (or thin) jokes are just a way to attack a person you dislike that much more.

It's still not cool. We should insult other people because of the people they are, not because of their appearance.

That could be one of my campaign slogans when I run for public office.