An Open Letter to People Who Restrict Their Social Media Profile to "Private"

Hi,

Why you gotta be that way, girl? Just because I don't want to be your friend doesn't mean I don't want to stalk your profile to see what you ate for dinner, what your boyfriend bought you for Valentine's day and how you feel about The Voice finale. I know, I know. It takes so little effort to hit that button and friend request or follow you, and I promise you that I have the perfect excuse for avoiding this.

I have done this and you have rejected my friend request. Either that or we were once friends and you decided to delete me. Now, I'm not too proud to beg; I'll send you at least two more friend requests before sighing deeply and telling Gideon, "Why can't so-and-so leave his/her profile on public so I can creep on him/her in peace?" (Yesterday, I canceled a friend request I made last year just so I could make it again. I am creepy and I own it.)

But really, what's the harm in having me around to see everything you do? I just want to know how many cavities you had at the dentist and who designed your wedding dress. I don't understand what's wrong with that.

Just so you know, I do practice what I preach. My profile is so public I might as well sky-write all my status updates and my blog is public and I'm pretty open about my life in person, too, if you ever wanted to hang out, get some coffee and tell me about that kitten you just adopted and why you named her "Flipper."

I let you in, boo. Why don't you do the same for me?

Love you (even though you don't love me back and I'm not upset about this at all),
Sam