Breast intentions

Yesterday was No Bra Day. From what I understand, the day is meant to raise awareness for breast cancer. I completely support breast cancer awareness; I even wrote an article a week ago about free mobile mammograms in Carroll County. But there is no way I would ever go in public without wearing a bra.

Objectively, I am a big-breasted woman. While I won't be applying to the Guinness Book of World Records any time soon, I also won't be wearing anything strapless. Why, you ask? Because they don't make shoes for boobs and I'd need to properly protect my assets. That is also why I didn't plan on participating in No Bra Day.

You read that right - I didn't plan on it. Fate intervened and did it for me.

It began innocently enough. I decided to go for a walk when I got home for work, mostly because I had a huge lunch and then ate a cupcake and thought I'd feel less guilty if I exercised a little. So I put on my $2 thrift store leggings, a stretched-out sports bra and a tank top and started my workout. Halfway down my normal route, I decided to shake things up and run down a nearby hill instead.

The run itself was pretty easy; I actually started to enjoy it. It was almost dark, so no one was on the road except for me and a couple of deer. About a quarter of the way down the hill, I felt an unexpected breeze.

I knew what happened before I even looked down. One of my boobs had escaped from my bra.

Even though no one was around, I cursed incessantly while fixing my wardrobe malfunction. The deer stood across the road in a wooded area and continued to stare at me.

"I was just here to watch the sunset!" one of the deer appeared to be saying.

A mother deer stepped in front of her fawn, glaring at me as if I were a babysitter who took her kid to a strip club without permission. (But really, are there any parents that allow their kids to go to strip clubs? Please don't answer that.)

"I'm sorry, guys!" I yelled out. "It's No Bra Day, don't you know?"

They ran off after I said that, so it's safe to say they did not know and didn't want to encounter any other humans until the day had passed.

I think their response was a bit insulting. If anything, they should have thanked me for enlightening them.