To make myself feel less lazy for spending almost an entire day watching Food Network Star on Netflix, I've decided to rank all the cooking shows I watch from worst to best. Here we go! (Or some other cute catchphrase that I can't articulate because I fried my brain - haha, cooking pun - watching Cutthroat Kitchen.)
10. Man vs. Food
What's hot: The gluttony is definitely there. If you want to watch a show that makes you hungry and disgusted at the same time, this is absolutely for you.
What's not: It's scripted to a fault. I recall one terrifying clip where Richman dresses up as a boxer and battles a man in a taco costume. Aside from that, Richman plays up the "bro" character so much that I actually kind of hate him. Gideon suggested that it was all an act for the show, but then I read that Richman suggested that a fan kill herself after being reprimanded for using the term "thinspiration." This show isn't a competition, so the host truly makes or breaks it. In this case, Richman breaks it, burns it and buries the ashes.
9. Chopped
Cooks are given a basket containing non-traditional items and must create an appetizer, an entree and a dessert using every item available. One cook is "chopped" after each round depending on various criteria.
What's hot: It's a competition and the cooks create three courses. People cut themselves a lot, too.
What's not: The first course is almost always a boring, expected salad, and the cooks aren't that competitive with each other despite taking part in a cooking competition. There's no cursing or screaming. No one "accidentally" beheads another cook with a butcher knife. Overall, it's just not that exciting.
8. Kitchen Nightmares
World-renowned chef Gordon Ramsey helps failing restaurant owners identify their problems and figure out how to fix them.
What's hot: The drama is beautiful. Ramsay curses every other word but is surprisingly endearing when he clicks with a restaurant owner. It's also really interesting to see how he helps restaurants, often cutting down the menu or outright firing waiters and line cooks.
What's not: It's kind of boring and predictable and overly scripted at times. I must note that I prefer competitive shows, so Kitchen Nightmares is actually pretty good all things considered.
7. Restaurant Impossible
What's hot: I'd be lying if I told you that Irvine didn't edge out Ramsay purely because of his muscles. That said, I prefer Restaurant Impossible's editing. The show zones in on the restaurant's design early on and updates the viewer on that throughout the hour. It feels more organic than Ramsay's version.
What's not: As I said, it's not a competition. While better than that of Kitchen Nightmares, I still feel the editing is slightly over-the-top. I don't like it when editing makes me feel as if I should be sad or happy, and I sometimes feel that way watching this shows. But still, those muscles.
6. Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives
What's hot: The food looks amazing. In that aspect, the show certainly accomplishes its goal. Aside from that, Fieri is a capable, entertaining host with a lot of heart. Sure, he has to embody the "bro" character to some extent; unlike Adam Richman, he feels genuine and has yet to publicly urge a fan to commit suicide.
What's not: It's not a competition. Fin.
5. Masterchef Junior
Gordan Ramsay, Joe "I'm Better Than You" Bastianich and Graham Elliott train young home cooks and kick them off in pairs each week so they don't feel like total failures.
What's hot: Well, it's a competition, which sates my appetite for watching people disappoint themselves systematically over a period of 10 or so episodes. It's also pretty cool to see how kids can cook better than I can (even though I've cursed them for this several times) and the kids are nice to each other, which I guess is different from other competitive shows.
What's not: The kids are nice to each other, and I don't buy it. The editing really hurts everything the show is trying to perpetuate. I actually had a discussion with one of my acquaintances on Facebook who said that it was so nice to see how the kids treat each other and that we can all learn a lesson from them, and I don't feel I've learned anything except for the fact that editing can be really deceptive and, in this case, can really fail on that front. It's more over-the-top than Man vs. Food, but it also doesn't feature Adam Richman so it's already way better than that shit show.
4. Ramsay's Best Restaurant
Ramsay searches Britain for the best restaurant and is quite restrained throughout.
What's hot: I actually like the editing on this show. It's low-key and feels genuine. I especially enjoy the secret diner portion of the show, maybe because it quenches my thirst for drama without being dramatic for the sake of being dramatic.
What's not: There's not much food featured on the show. I just don't leave this show feeling hungry, and that's not really good for a food competition. Still, I really like the editing; it has the best editing out of any show on this list by far.
3. Masterchef
Ramsay, Elliot and "My Mom Got Me This Jobs" Bastianich train and kick off adult home cooks until one is celebrated for not being a total failure.
What's hot: It's truly a competition. I love the cattiness and I really get into the characters the editors create. Last season, I rooted for Leslie the whole time because I am attracted to silver foxes but also because the others seemed to pick on him and that made me mad. The show also really focuses on the food, which is important. Overall, it's pretty good.
What's not: The editing. Man, the editing. It isn't as bad as the kids' version but that doesn't say much. But, while the editing is over-the-top, I find myself getting pulled in without being too angry about it. So the show has that going for it.
2. Cutthroat Kitchen
What's hot: It takes competition to a whole new level. Contestants literally pay to inflict pain on other contestants. I can't think of a show better suited for me. Also, Brown is more than adept at hosting and truly fits into his role. Gideon thought he was playing up a character until we watched Good Eats and realized that Brown is truly that crazy.
What's not: Eliminations can be predictable, but that's also a lot of fun, too.
1. Food Network Star
Bobby Flay, Giada De Laurentiis and Alton Brown mentor cooks who hope to have their own cooking show. The contestants must be able to speak and cook well. I described it to Gideon as America's Next Top Model with cooking, a.k.a. the dream.
What's hot: Everything. The editing is perfect. The contestants are both flawed and endearing. The challenges are interesting, and the mentors really seem to care about the show.
What's not: I have nothing negative to say about this show, except that only seasons 9 and 10 are on Netflix and that's a tragedy.
My, I can't believe this is how I spent my Saturday. No, I can. I definitely can.
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