We went to Hot Springs, a tourist town roughly four hours away from Eureka Springs. The irony that we live in arguably the biggest tourist town in Arkansas and traveled elsewhere in the state to escape it is not lost on me. In all fairness, it was really nice just to get out of the apartment for a few days. I'm sure the cat thought it was less nice, as we left him with dry food and didn't return with his beloved wet food for two days, but Gideon and I thought it was a pretty good reprieve.
(I've joked before that we'd be in a world of trouble if BJ ever gained the power of opposable thumbs and started texting us when we're gone; in this case, though, we definitely would have received lots of hate messages, such as: "Where's my wet food, humans?" "Let me on the balcony so I can eat that crow!" "I want to pee in your purse but it isn't here." And that's really just the tip of the iceberg.)
We first checked into our hotel, which I found kind of run-down but also in an amazing location, so it was a toss-up. I worried Gideon would sprint for the nearest Hilton Suites (is that a real thing?) once he saw how our hotel compared to the one he works at, but he remained optimistic the whole time. "Hey, the sheets on the bed are clean," he said. "That's good." I mean, as optimistic as someone who agreed to date me could be.
Friday night, we bought baked goods Fat Bottomed Girls Cupcake Shop, and they were delicious. I got the butter cake cupcake, with Gideon choosing the strawberry cheesecake cupcake. We took refuge from the rain under a shop window to eat the cupcakes.
Gideon wanted the moment to be romantic, and I wanted the moment to be all about me and my cupcake. Our conversation:
Gideon: Kiss me! Be romantic!
Me: But I've got icing all over my face.
Gideon: I don't mind.
Me: I'm not sharing secondhand cupcake with you. This is my cupcake.
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| I scarfed down candy soon after this. |
After he realized that he loves me despite my devotion to cupcakes, we went to the Ohio Club where the waiter talked us down from buying an appetizer. He told us that the burgers we ordered were really big and that we probably couldn't save room for them if we had chips and salsa.
"You clearly don't know me," I wanted to say, having eaten 1,200 calories every day since January and looking forward to three days of binge-eating. But my austere side won out and we ordered only the burgers, and I could barely finish mine without becoming a gaseous explosion. I did, though, because I'm pretty serious about eating everything I order.
After that, we went back to our hotel room, bought some snacks from the vending machine and watched TV for the rest of the night. Say what you will, but my idea of the perfect night is eating M&Ms and watching bad reality TV, so it was awesome.
I was texting my friend Kelby bad selfies at this time, and while I have too much vanity to post those photos, I will share the photo Gideon took of me in my "supermodel pose," the result of Kelby asking to see if the rest of my body is as slim as my clavicle region appeared to be. I'm pretty sure I nailed it.
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| Those vacant eyes though. |
The next morning, I woke up feeling more bloated than maybe ever. To remedy this, we walked downtown for about an hour before returning to the hotel to shower in preparation for our visitors, Kelby and my other friend Madii. They arrived around noon and we went to this huge hibachi sushi buffet and I got even fatter. Here are photos, just so you know I'm not lying about literally eating my body weight in less than two days:
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| Madii |
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| Kelby |
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| Fatties |
We all decided to go get more cupcakes after that because diabetes isn't something you plan. Gideon and I got dressed for dinner - yes, dinner, another meal to fatten us up properly - after they left and walked around in the hope of working off our lunch calories to make room for dinner calories. It did not work but I ate a lot at dinner anyway.
We went to Central Park Fusion, this restaurant my mom took me to for my 21st birthday. I got a pork chop and Gideon got curry, but I can't remember much more of the night because the food was good and I ate all of it and I passed out from a food coma before 11 p.m. I am such a party animal.
The next morning, my mom visited us. We had brunch with her and then shopped at TJ Maxx for home goods for over two hours. It was awesome. A list of our swag:
- A new table (free from my nana)
- A new lamp (free from my nana)
- A clock
- A vase
- A paper towel holder
- A fruit basket
- Probably more things I can't remember right now
Then we went home and couldn't move all night because we ate so much.
It was great.
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