I know what you're thinking. Yes, I probably do have better chances of starring in a Leprechaun sequel than being an appropriate teacher. If that isn't what you're thinking, here's a photo showing the type of person I should be in order to teach children without screaming obscenities every time one of them says the characters were dead all along on Lost. (That is all small children talk about, right?)
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| That ain't me. |
If you're still saying, "Gee, Sam, that looks like something you'd not be fired from within a week of starting," let me tell you a story.
See, I made it to the final interview for Teach for America. This means I passed the phone interview and one other preliminary measure I can't even remember anymore. I wasn't too bad at the phone interview; basically, I just had to talk myself up, and there's really no one better at that than me. But for the final interview, I had to present a lesson plan in front of two Teach for America interviewers and six to eight other potential teachers. (Otherwise known as the competition.) After that, there was a one-on-one interview.
When I walked into the waiting room - before the day even started - I think I knew I wouldn't fit in with this group. I was surrounded by smiley, happy people. When they talked about teaching, they were really serious about loving kids and education. And there I was, wearing a black dress and a leather jacket and seriously beginning to question if my ex-boyfriend was right when he said I have the empathy of a serial killer.
I recall one of the conversations I had. It was with a girl my age - to quote Marie from When Harry Met Sally, "thin, pretty, big tits - your basic nightmare." For the purposes of this post, we'll call her Future Kindergarten Teacher.
Future Kindergarten Teacher: Why are you interested in teaching?
Me: Oh, you know, there's not much else to sign up for before graduating from college. Gotta have that backup plan, am I right?
Future Kindergarten Teacher: Oh. Well. Some people may see teaching that way, but I don't. It's all about the kids.
Me: You're joking, right?
At this point, she turned away from me and began talking about education reform with a middle-age women. I tried to strike up conversation about Lost but no one really bit so I just stayed quiet and thought about how they were all such sticks in the mud. (Ed. Note: I know education is very important. I'm not discounting that or this program. I'm just pointing out that my personality isn't exactly suited for the field of education.)
That was only the beginning. Before we all presented our lesson plan, the two men who were interviewing us explained that they'd play the part of children and we were all expected to do the same. We were also expected to participate in the other teachers' lessons. Four teachers presented, and it seemed to go pretty well. Then it was my turn.
I think I talked about subject verb disagreement, but that might be wrong. I kind of blocked that part out. What I do know is that, near the middle of my presentation, one of the interviewers raised his hand and asked a question I thought was pretty stupid.
"NO! WRONG!" I yelled across the room. Just so that you don't all think I'm the most abrasive person in the world, I should note that I was extremely nervous after seeing others perform well and knew I was blushing and might have peed myself a little after I yelled at the guy.
I realized then that I lost the job, so I mumbled through the rest of my presentation, sat down and waited for the final interview. In that interview, I tried my best to save my ass. It did not work.
Me: I know I didn't come across well in there. I was just really nervous. I wouldn't yell at a real child.
Interviewer: I believe you. You did misstep, but I think you saved it.
Me: Do you really think that?
Interviewer: Yes, I wouldn't say that if it wasn't true.
Me: Oh, I thought you were just trying to make me feel better.
I left that interview knowing I didn't get the job, but that didn't stop all my friends from telling me I was overreacting and that my performance in the final interview would overshadow the fact that I YELLED AT THE INTERVIEWER DURING THE TEACHING DEMONSTRATION. "I'm not trying to be self-deprecating here," I recall telling my friend Kelby. "I really think I screwed that whole thing up."
"No, Sam. You did fine. Just wait for them to accept you," he responded.
Well, I waited and they rejected me and I at least got to rub that in Kelby's face. Also, they rejected me while I was eating pizza so it wasn't all bad.
Now that I have a job I love and have found a field I excel in - also now that I've realized the importance of not screaming at people during job interviews - I think everything happened the way it was supposed to. And if you disagree with that, I just have one thing to say to you:
NO! WRONG!
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