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When I was a kid, I loved fair food. I fantasized about foot-long corn dogs and funnel cakes in the weeks leading up to the county fair, so you can imagine how psyched I was when assigned to review fair food for my job.
I took my boyfriend, Gideon, with me to shoulder the blow of eating high quantities of fried food in a short period of time, which quickly proved to be a wise decision. We started with a plate of nachos from Berryville High School's fundraiser. The students were raising money for prom, so we decided to add salsa for 50 cents extra. Along with the nachos and other stereotypical fair food, the students had prepared a confection they called a "walking taco." It featured crumbled Doritos, beef, cheese, lettuce and tomato. I did not order it so that I could prepare for the oncoming storm of fried things, but one of the students mentioned that it was the most inventive option on the menu.
The nachos were quite tasty. The chips were fresh and bountiful, and the cheese had the perfect consistency and temperature. I found the salsa to be a great addition, as it broke up the heavy taste of dairy and salt. Gideon called the nachos "reasonable," the equivalent of "delicious" for me.
Next, we moved on to the air-conditioned business part of the fair, where free candy and knicknacks flowed like the Mississippi. Of course I picked up some candy as I walked; what kind of person would I be if I declined free candy? Gideon and I happened upon the Carroll County Master Gardeners’ booth, which featured many baked goods and a few jars of black bean and corn salsa. I saw brownies, cookies, muffins, cake slices and specialty popcorn. It was a sugar buffet, and I probably would have bought one of everything if Gideon wasn't there to witness all the potential gluttony.
I settled on the caramel corn, mostly because it had a nifty tag listing the ingredients. The ingredients include "Puffcorn," brown sugar, butter, corn syrup, vanilla and baking soda. When I asked to purchase the caramel corn, the woman at the booth called it her "favorite stuff in the world," cementing my decision. She was right. The caramel corn was easily the best food I had at the fair. It was fluffy and buttery, and, importantly, came in a medium-sized bag. This was a welcome reprieve from the giant serving sizes offered at the fair. Even though the bag was not that big, I still have a few pieces of caramel corn left. Full disclosure: I had it for breakfast the next morning.
Clutching the caramel corn, I made my way to the food kiosks at the center of the fair. The vendor at the Funnel Cake Wagon was very entertaining, suggesting the fried Oreos. He called them the "bomb-diggity," and I told him I'd return to purchase them once I had finished the foot-long corn dog and Bavarian-cream-topped funnel cake I bought. Unfortunately, I could not return. My stomach was very unhappy with me after all the fried food, forcing me to sit on a bench in the heat for five minutes questioning the food decisions I had just made.
As for the corn dog and the funnel cake, they were both good. The corn dog was especially greasy; when interviewing a man later on in the night for the paper, he said he knew it would be good because he could see through the wrapper already. I'm kind of jealous that he described fair food so perfectly in one sentence, because I had slight trouble with it as a professional writer. While the corn dog was good in the way one expects fair food to be, I could eat only half of it. This means that I ingested a regular corn dog, which I'm pretty comfortable with.
Gideon helped me eat the funnel cake. I found it to be stiffer than most funnel cakes I'd had in the past. It also appeared to be competing with the corn dog in the Most Grease Contest, though it was definitely the David to the corn dog's Goliath. And David did not win this one. The bavarian cream topping was delicious and creamy, perfectly complementing the glorious serving of powdered sugar. Like the corn dog, Gideon and I could not finish the funnel cake. We tried, but the fried food won out in the end.
After ingesting so much fried food in one sitting, I sat in one place for 30 minutes wondering if I'd ever be able to walk again. When I finally did, Gideon and I decided to ride the Zipper, a childhood favorite ride of mine. It was also the fan-favorite ride at the fair, with three out of four people I interviewed calling it their favorite attraction. Riding the Zipper was not the best idea after eating half a corn dog, half a funnel cake, caramel corn, and a plate of nachos, but, then again, eating all these things in the span of two hours was not the best idea, either. After the ride, I felt obviously sick and needed to sit down again.
We went home and I returned to work the next day feeling as if I could not eat anything else for the rest of my life. Then I was asked to return to the fair to try the Cattleman's booth; of course I said yes to this. I had the beef and beans plate, which included a few slices of beef, a slice of cornbread, beans and coleslaw. I was too full after finishing the beef, cornbread and beans to eat the coleslaw, but what I did eat was fantastic.
The beef was supple and juicy. Dipped in barbecue sauce, it was absolutely heavenly. The beans were also amazing. I'm not a big fan of onions, but I ate every onion in those beans happily. The cornbread was crumbly and delicious on its own but even better in the beans. I picked up a hamburger and a barbecue beef sandwich for my coworkers. The barbecue beef sandwich was basically the same beef I had with bread, and it received similar feedback from my coworkers. I gave the hamburger to another coworker, who told me that it reminded him of his youth. He said it made him want a funnel cake, which is probably the highest praise any fair food could receive. While I still hold the caramel corn dear, Cattleman's definitely had the best food at the fair. One of the men behind the counter told me that they have received less people than usual this year, which is a great shame.
When you go to the fair this weekend, go to the Cattleman's and get some beef. If that doesn't sate your hunger for fair food, pick up some specialty caramel corn. I know you'll probably just end up purchasing a foot-long corn dog and hating yourself immediately after you finish it like I would have had I not been tasting all the fair food. Go ahead. You're at the fair, after all.
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As I wrote in the title of this post, I can't believe I got paid to do this.
Ed. Note: Formatting is off on the text of the article but I can't figure out how to fix it. Forgive me.
Ed. Note: Formatting is off on the text of the article but I can't figure out how to fix it. Forgive me.
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