Morning Glory

There are two people in this world: those who hate mornings and those who falsely claim to love mornings but really just begin consuming caffeine immediately. I think it is obvious that I am the former. To me, there is nothing worse than getting up early in the morning. I have never understood why people expect me to be productive before 9 a.m. (I use this to my advantage when at work in the morning. If I bastardize some information or have a mistake pointed out to me, I'll "jokingly" say, "Oh, sorry about that. It's still morning over here." I'll get a laugh out of it and then I can continue working as normal. With my deadpan sense of humor, everyone believes I am joking. I am not. I am not joking. Mornings are the worst, closely followed by non-yellow cats and Grey's Anatomy.)

I am telling you all this to get to a point. Rather, to work my way into an anecdote. This morning, Gideon woke up on my first alarm (I set my alarm for 7 a.m. but continue to reset it until 7:45 because, as you know, mornings are the worst) and went to take a shower. I noticed that he hadn't started the shower, so I yelled across the apartment, "Gideon, are you pooping?" He confirmed that he was. "Poop faster! I have to pee!" I yelled, but by the time he had finished his business I had fallen back asleep. 

He shook me awake and told me that the bathroom was free. I scuttled there while grunting, my signature morning salutation. After almost falling asleep on the toilet, I slowly walked back to bed, still grunting but less loudly now. And I fell back asleep. For half an hour. 

"Saaaaaaaaaaaaaam, it's 7:45. Saaaaaam, Saaaaaaaaaaaam, wake up," Gideon said while shaking me. He turned on the light. I placed a pillow over my head. When he took the pillow away, I defiantly shrunk into the fetal position under our comforter. I tried to force him back into bed by whimpering and saying, "Come on, let's just cuddle for five minutes. I promise I won't fall asleep,"  but he saw past my ploy and left the room.

After I realized that he wasn't coming back, I forced myself out of bed and dressed for work. Hopefully this story serves to teach you how lucky Gideon is to live with someone as low-maintenance as I am. If not, at least you discovered the true bliss of cohabitation. 

You don't have to say it. You are welcome.