Bad Santa
Netflix synopsis: Criminals Willie and Marcus disguise themselves as Santa Claus and an elf find work at major department stores with plans of robbing them blind.
*Gideon commentary is in red.
*Sam commentary is in black.
The rundown: Bad Santa concerns the misdeeds of a criminal duo. Tony Cox is Marcus, the brains of the outfit. Billy Bob Thorton is Willie, a self-destructive tornado. The two run a robbery/scam on department stores by working as Santa/elf station temps while planning a Christmas Eve heist. They've been running the operation for a while, but cracks are showing. Willie's alcoholism is interfering with the job. In other words, he's always smashed and sharing vulgarities with the children. But they come cheap! A mall in Arizona hires them for undercutting the established mall Santa. Willie and Marcus spend the first few days getting covered in snot and coughing. Willie meets a rotund, pale child who doesn't speak. Through happenstance, the child rescues him from a maniac in the parking lot (don't ask). "Santa" gives him a ride home, then robs his house when he realizes the kid's guardian is a senile Cloris Leachman. Yay Christmas!
The guys who run the mall get really mad when one of them catches Willie banging a woman in the big and tall dressing room and threaten to fire him. Willie asks the bossman if he really wants to be sued for discrimination after firing him and his black, little person partner. Bossman backs off but searches for ways to get the duo fired. He literally searches Willie's hotel room. It's odd. Marcus tells Willie to stay somewhere else, so he temporarily moves in with the pale kid from earlier whose name is Thurman by the way. Thurman takes him in immediately and keeps offering him sandwiches. Every time Willie blows up on the kid, Thurman becomes quietly gleeful and eggs it on. He's super cute. Meanwhile, Willie has been also banging a chick he met at a bar. She's played by Lauren Graham of Gilmore Girls. I was proud of Gideon for recognizing her from that show. Willie starts bringing Bar Girl over to the house. For some reason she really likes him.
That reason being Lorelai Gilmore's grungy Santa fetish. She won't touch him unless he wears the hat! Thurman, or as Willie knows him, "the kid," tries to bond with Santa. But Willie is spiralling further and further into the abyss. He explodes at him randomly, but shows a fondness. Marcus tries to kick his Santa into shape as Christmas Eve approaches. The head of mall security, Bernie Mac, catches onto the duo's plot. He blackmails them for fifty percent of the take. Willie attempts to commit suicide, but wavers when he learns that Thurman is regularly attacked by a gang of archetypal bullies. Next scene: Billy Bob Thorton punching out nasty children. Most excellent.
In the next scene, Willie and Marcus teach Thurman how to defend himself. It ends with all of them kicking each other in the balls. I loved it. After this, it's Christmas Eve. Willie, Lorelai and Thurman all celebrate together. They string popcorn and decorate the tree. Lorelai even uses Thurman's basically comatose grandma's foot stockings as Christmas stockings. Willie leaves the house for his robbin' and he opens the safe. Just as he's preparing to pick up a stuffed pink elephant for Thurman, Marcus threatens to shoot him. Cops are suddenly surrounding them and Willie gets away with the pink elephant. He hops in his car and drives to Thurman's house while being chased by police cars. Once there, he runs to the door while being shot to deliver the elephant. In his closing narration, we find out that he's survived the shooting and has been exonerated for all his crimes somehow. Lorelai has moved in with Thurman to take care of him. Willie will be out of jail soon. He ends the movie by asking Thurman to make him some sandwiches.
He said: It was lovely seeing an inventive, adult Christmas film after a litany of formulaic stand-ins. That being said, I've a decent tolerance for vulgarity. Outside that, this is a fairly dark film. It's a stark portrayal of emotional co-dependence and substance abuse. There's a charming, almost sweet arc between Thurman and "Santa," but it's a coal-black ride before you experience that. I thought this film was fantastic. The Cohen brothers did some uncredited script work, and their brand of funny desolation shines. It's an intentionally off-putting film to be sure, but it's one I'll see next year.
Feminism: Kinda absent.
Shoehorned Christmas cheer: Sunbleached Arizona never looked so festive.
Sequel potential: There is one in pre-production. It will probably suck.
Manly sighs: None.
Swearing at children: Always funny.
Candy canes: 5
She said: This was very good. It was truly funny, featuring a starring cast including John Ritter and Bernie Mac. It was shot well and Willie cursed a lot, which I enjoyed quite a bit. I think it's refreshing to hear a "fuck" every now and then after watching 22 Christmas movies where people say "gosh darn" and "freaking." But maybe that's just the potty mouth in me talking. Be warned: this movie is not for the faint of heart. Its humor is jarring and kind of intense at times. Fortunately, that's my kind of humor. Another thing the movie accomplishes is creating a likable antihero. Billy Bob Thornton deserves almost all the credit for this. He is mesmerizing.
Sappiness: Perfect
Gore level: GUN SHOTS, BABY!!!!
Cute animals: I'll count that elephant.
Loud kids that are supposed to be cute but are really annoying: No, the main kid in this movie was incredibly likable.
Number of times men get kicked in the balls: 3
Candy canes: 100
Final Score: 52.5 Candy Canes
No comments:
Post a Comment