Christmas Angel
Netflix synopsis: Some of her Christmas wishes begin to come true -- and others, she learns, are best left in God's hands.
*Gideon commentary is in red.
*Sam commentary is in black.
The rundown: Olivia is a precocious child. Like most children in these films, Olivia is terrible. She lives in a picturesque Southern town. I think it's supposed to be Louisiana, but I wasn't paying attention for the first twenty minutes of the film. Cookies were baked. Anyway, Olivia lives with her single mom in a pleasantly diverse locale. Her best friend, Tyler, tells her the legend of the abandoned house on the street. If you vandalize said house, the angel inside will grant you wishes/answer your prayers! It's a nod to It's a Wonderful Life, but it seems like an odd way to summon the genie. "You've been antisocial, my child. Here's a wish for you!" Olivia needs her mom to get busy, so she asks Santa prays to God for a hot husband to come knockin'. She also learns that the elderly recluse hiding in the house does not take kindly to vandalism.
I'll be completely honest. I found this film so painfully boring that I couldn't even pay attention to the plot. I have no idea what happens next, and I'm happy about that.
Gideon finished the movie while Sam clutched her head in her hands, crying out of boredom. The reclusive lady, who insists she is no angel, has been "answering prayers" by sending money and gifts to the needy who plead to her. Olivia badgers her way in the old woman's life. They become fast friends, answering prayers together! In my favorite scene, they've decided they will act as God's secretarial staff. They sort prayers into "possible," "selfish," needs divine intervention," and "stupid" piles. Olivia learns that her friend is a legendary jazz singer. She had a turbulent and sorrowfilled personal life and has forsaken the world in penance for her misdeeds. Since our heroine is a blustering steamroller, she tells the world her friend's dark secret and gets a church to advertise her "appearance" at a benefit concert for a sick person. Jazz singer doesn't like her personal space being literally invaded by paparazzi (who exist in this hamlet) and she cuts off the little dictator. Kevin Sorbo plays the doctor God sends to bang Olivia's mom. He has been caring for the jazz singer, and explains to Olivia that her actions might have hastened the death of the terminally ill woman. Yay Christmas!
But the old lady and Olivia make up. The old lady's family joins her for Christmas, Dr. Sorbo joins Olivia's family for Christmas and they all live happily ever after. Woo!
He said: I'm not certain why Sam found this so dull. I found it a nice change of pace from our last five films, which were all variations on the same thin theme. True, Olivia does ask SantaGod to help her mom get laid, but that's kinda incidental to the plot. I usually find Christian films either scary dreck or maudlin and tame. This leaned more towards the latter. Its spirituality was pretty generic and bargain-brand -- "angels watch us et cetera..." Sorbo's character made the film more overtly sectarian, but it was handled pretty naturally. It's rare that these kinds of movies shy away from preaching.
That being said, Olivia is a terrible person. She is rude, demanding, and loud. Honestly, her actions work to the detriment of most characters. She's really the villain of the film, just waiting for her redemption plot. Despite my distate for our protagonist, I admit that the film is shot reasonably well. The director is no Orson Welles, but he can shoot a baking montage with some zest and verve. If anything, this film was made by people who were proud of their final product. That's more than I can say for half of the films in this series.
Feminism: Eh.
Shoehorned Christmas cheer: Well-implemented.
Sequel potential: No.
Manly sighs: Provided by Sam
Angels: "Each of the four had the face of a human being, and on the right side each had the face of a lion, and on the left the face of an ox; each also had the face of an eagle."
Candy canes: 3
She said: I can't review this film because I couldn't watch it. Just five Christmas movies to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I didn't use the exclamation mark nearly enough just now.)
Sappiness: n/a
Gore level: n/a
Cute animals: n/a
Loud kids that are supposed to be cute but are really annoying: n/a
How done I am with Christmas movies at this point: VERY
Candy canes: n/a
Final Score: 3 Candy Canes
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