What She Wants for Christmas
Netflix synopsis: Abigail asked for something very special this year for Christmas, but when Santa doesn't bring it she carries out a plan to hold St. Nick captive!
*Gideon commentary is in red.
*Sam commentary is in black.
The rundown: All She Wants for Christmas is our first movie to star African-Americans in more roles than "sassy roommate." Despite this, the Netflix poster crops out the protagonist and focuses on the white best friend. What a world! Anyway, our hero is Abigail Winfred. She's tired of being ignored by her busy single mother and even more sick of Santa stiffing her one too many times. An unseen narrator watches the malcontent plan her anti-Santa initiative. The girl is planning to kidnap Santa to force him to give her the perfect Christmas. Her best friend Moose, AKA the white girl on the poster, harrumphs and eats peanut butter sandwiches. She loves sandwiches a lot. She keeps them in plastic all over her person. Christmas Eve comes and goes. Mom tucks Abigail in bed and goes off to wrap presents, plan her account presentation she's giving on Christmas day and doze off to Suzuki commercials.
Abby isn't sleeping though. No, she's waiting for Santa to appear so she can trap him. When she sees that he hasn't brought her what she asked for, she turns on the ceiling fan which trips a booby trap, wrapping "Santa" in garland. She then ties his hands and feet with Christmas lights and interrogates him, fluorescent desk lamp on his face and all. It turns out "Santa" is her deadbeat dad. We don't know this yet, though. Abby asks Santa why she hasn't received what she asked for and for some reason her Santa dad believes she has asked for a puppy. He calls his secretary, a hilarious guy who dons an elf costume, and asks him to come help him out.
While Abigail is interrogating Santa, Moose stumbles over and discovers the kidnapping. She is upset, because this means that Santa won't be able to deliver her new smartphone! Abigail and Moose argue for a while. Abigail is a force of nature, so Moose is intimidated. She goes home and plans a rescue operation. "Santa" and "elf" argue over procedure. The elf is sent off to buy a puppy. After midnight. Early Christmas morning. This does not go well. Abigail ends up capturing the elf-dude and filming their hostage video. I think Abigail has a career in al-Qaeda ahead of her!
At some point Moose gets locked in Abby's mom's closet. When Abby goes outside all sad that Santa has failed her, her mother finds Moose in the closet and stumbles upon her ex-husband and his elf friend in the guest bedroom. They are both tied to chairs with Christmas lights. The mom yells at him for a while and sends him off, which makes him very sad. He and his elf secretary leave, Abby goes to bed and everyone prepares to wake up on Christmas morning and pretend that nothing happened.
But Santa dad magically acquires Abigail's letter. Her perfect Christmas was a day with her parents together. Dad is touched and sprints back to their house. Mom isn't impressed, but lets him in when Abigail recognizes him. They share a tense Christmas together and everyone lives happily ever after! It turns out that the real Santa, the one who is narrating the prologue and epilogue, deleted Abigail's hostage video and stiffed Moose from her smartphone upgrade! Moose and Abigail plan their next Santa kidnapping. Jolly old St. Nick shakes his head as their names are transferred to the naughty list. Roll credits!
He said: This was a cheap, dull film. Abigail has a lot of energy absent from the obnoxious children populating most of these films. But spunk and vigor can't make up for a chronically limited budget. Director Jason Hewitt is a busy man. He's responsible for a number of tv films and inexpensive affairs, most notably the Left Behind remake. The script feels a bit disjointed. There's a Home Alone potential for kidnapping shenanigans, but Abby's way too competent at this -- we just get shots of a restrained Santa. The real plot, the disjointed and fragmented family, has the potential for some heavy drama. All of the interactions between mom and Santa dad are strong, but don't feel like the same movie. There's also an air of hypocrisy, as mom's workaholic nature is identical to her critique of dad. It's a strange little film. You're welcome to skip it.
Feminism: Moderate
Shoehorned Christmas cheer: Organically forced!
Sequel potential: The film ends on a cliffhanger hook, but I'm not clamoring for ASWFC2.
Manly sighs: More than a few.
Suzuki money: With this much product placement, you'd think the company could afford more sets.
Candy canes: 2
She said: I thought this movie would be more difficult to summarize, but somehow it wasn't. That's a point in its favor. I really did enjoy Abby's character but I think the film could've benefited from some torture. She could've sharpened a candy cane and stabbed her Santa dad hard enough to hurt but lightly enough to avoid bleeding. She could've electrocuted him a little with the lights. She could've implemented so much innovative, holiday appropriate torture! I am disappointed in her for this. The film would rank higher for me if it didn't end so abruptly and if the happy ending actually seemed happy. A little torture would've helped too.
Sappiness: Forced
Gore level: None, and there was so much potential!
Cute animals: Not even a puppy
Loud kids that are supposed to be cute but are really annoying: Lots
Racial equality: Fortunately, high
Candy canes: 3
Final Score: 2.5 Candy Canes
Abby isn't sleeping though. No, she's waiting for Santa to appear so she can trap him. When she sees that he hasn't brought her what she asked for, she turns on the ceiling fan which trips a booby trap, wrapping "Santa" in garland. She then ties his hands and feet with Christmas lights and interrogates him, fluorescent desk lamp on his face and all. It turns out "Santa" is her deadbeat dad. We don't know this yet, though. Abby asks Santa why she hasn't received what she asked for and for some reason her Santa dad believes she has asked for a puppy. He calls his secretary, a hilarious guy who dons an elf costume, and asks him to come help him out.
While Abigail is interrogating Santa, Moose stumbles over and discovers the kidnapping. She is upset, because this means that Santa won't be able to deliver her new smartphone! Abigail and Moose argue for a while. Abigail is a force of nature, so Moose is intimidated. She goes home and plans a rescue operation. "Santa" and "elf" argue over procedure. The elf is sent off to buy a puppy. After midnight. Early Christmas morning. This does not go well. Abigail ends up capturing the elf-dude and filming their hostage video. I think Abigail has a career in al-Qaeda ahead of her!
At some point Moose gets locked in Abby's mom's closet. When Abby goes outside all sad that Santa has failed her, her mother finds Moose in the closet and stumbles upon her ex-husband and his elf friend in the guest bedroom. They are both tied to chairs with Christmas lights. The mom yells at him for a while and sends him off, which makes him very sad. He and his elf secretary leave, Abby goes to bed and everyone prepares to wake up on Christmas morning and pretend that nothing happened.
But Santa dad magically acquires Abigail's letter. Her perfect Christmas was a day with her parents together. Dad is touched and sprints back to their house. Mom isn't impressed, but lets him in when Abigail recognizes him. They share a tense Christmas together and everyone lives happily ever after! It turns out that the real Santa, the one who is narrating the prologue and epilogue, deleted Abigail's hostage video and stiffed Moose from her smartphone upgrade! Moose and Abigail plan their next Santa kidnapping. Jolly old St. Nick shakes his head as their names are transferred to the naughty list. Roll credits!
He said: This was a cheap, dull film. Abigail has a lot of energy absent from the obnoxious children populating most of these films. But spunk and vigor can't make up for a chronically limited budget. Director Jason Hewitt is a busy man. He's responsible for a number of tv films and inexpensive affairs, most notably the Left Behind remake. The script feels a bit disjointed. There's a Home Alone potential for kidnapping shenanigans, but Abby's way too competent at this -- we just get shots of a restrained Santa. The real plot, the disjointed and fragmented family, has the potential for some heavy drama. All of the interactions between mom and Santa dad are strong, but don't feel like the same movie. There's also an air of hypocrisy, as mom's workaholic nature is identical to her critique of dad. It's a strange little film. You're welcome to skip it.
Feminism: Moderate
Shoehorned Christmas cheer: Organically forced!
Sequel potential: The film ends on a cliffhanger hook, but I'm not clamoring for ASWFC2.
Manly sighs: More than a few.
Suzuki money: With this much product placement, you'd think the company could afford more sets.
Candy canes: 2
She said: I thought this movie would be more difficult to summarize, but somehow it wasn't. That's a point in its favor. I really did enjoy Abby's character but I think the film could've benefited from some torture. She could've sharpened a candy cane and stabbed her Santa dad hard enough to hurt but lightly enough to avoid bleeding. She could've electrocuted him a little with the lights. She could've implemented so much innovative, holiday appropriate torture! I am disappointed in her for this. The film would rank higher for me if it didn't end so abruptly and if the happy ending actually seemed happy. A little torture would've helped too.
Sappiness: Forced
Gore level: None, and there was so much potential!
Cute animals: Not even a puppy
Loud kids that are supposed to be cute but are really annoying: Lots
Racial equality: Fortunately, high
Candy canes: 3
Final Score: 2.5 Candy Canes
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