Snow Buddies
Netflix synopsis: In this family-friendly North Pole adventure, the rambunctious golden retriever pups known as the Buddies must save Christmas.
Ed. Note: I (Sam) slept in this morning while Gideon and his younger brother Victor watched this film. Victor has offered to write in my place and I have accepted, because the thought of watching a bunch of talking puppies in Santa hats makes me feel like sleeping for a much, much longer time.
*Gideon commentary is in red.
*Victor commentary is in black.
The rundown: This film takes place in the Air Bud universe, in which dogs can do cool human things and humans are dumb as rocks. Bud, the vertically gifted golden retriever, has a brood of rambunctious pups. And boy do they have personality! And by "personality," I mean "one-dimensional stereotypes." As follows:
- the fat, flatulent one
- the one who is obsessed with dirt
- the girl
- the white kid who pretends to watch BET
- the sensitive new age guy
They live in a Washington suburb. B-Dawg (guess what his shtick is!) and Fatso get the gang into trouble when they are trapped inside a refrigerated truck and shipped to Alaska. And air-dropped.
This is the most unusual method of delivering ice cream I've ever seen. Unfortunately, the buddies survive and meet an Alaskan huskie, who's not AS cliche as the buddies, but just as forgettable. The owner is a boy named Joe, or at least I think that's his name; whenever you watch a Buddies movie, you tend to forget important details. He's shown praying to whoever's willing to listen. It never establishes who he prays to. For all we know he could be praying to Allah or Santa or Zeus, but let's just assume he prays to Cthulu. Anyway, he prays to Cthulu for five dogs to compete in a race. Maybe that's how the dogs survived a huge fall from a plane. It wasn't G-rated luck. It was Cthulhu's divine intervention!
After some unfunny dialogue and even unfunnier slapstick, Joe's dad talks to a person who may be a bad guy. He only shows 90 percent of generic bad guy cliche, but he just might be a bad dude. Like the buddies or any other character in this POS movie, we're never given any motivation for the villain. All we know is that he's bad because he has a French accent, and he's booed by everyone at the sleigh race.
Alaskan Joe gets the dog team together after Christmas festivities have ended. While he's blithering away complaining at his parents, the dogs are hard at work. They meet a magical dog sensei, voiced by a gravelly Kris Kristofferson, who teaches them the Way of Mush. Alaskan Joe joins the race, facing off against French guy. The other competitors are also broad stereotypes -- Soviet guy, Scandinavian lady, etc. French guy is a dirty cheater and destroys the competition. But Alaskan Joe has a big heart! His determination, as well as the improbable stamina of six puppies, win the day! The puppies' parents are air-dropped into Alaska to rescue their brood.Merry Christmas Happy New Year!
He said: The Air Bud movies are not cinema by any stretch of the word. I have fewer nice things to say about the many, many puppy spinoffs that Disney has foisted upon the world. Snow Buddies is astonishingly light on the Christmas cheer. It's really just your standard kids' dog movie. Alaskan Joe is a bland blandy-bland who has been in a million other bad family films. The buddies are obnoxious, even offensive, stereotypes. Also. flatulent dogs are not as funny as you'd think. It's dumb. There are countless films that are better for your dumb kid to watch.
Feminism: Uh, I guess the "girl" puppy is smarter than everyone. She loves pink! That's a character trait, right?
Shoehorned Christmas cheer: Barely acknowledged. This is a post-Christmas film.
Sequel potential: No more!
Manly sighs: Great and powerful.
Flatulence: Powerful and timely.
Candy canes: 1
She said: This movie sounds terrible. Based on this synopsis, sleeping was a wise choice.
Sappiness: Nonexistent
Gore level: It sounds like the dog race had the potential to be bloody.
Cute animals: Nope
Loud kids that are supposed to be cute but are really annoying: Mostly dogs
Days left of this review series: 3
Candy canes: 1
Final Score: 1 Candy Cane
Alaskan Joe gets the dog team together after Christmas festivities have ended. While he's blithering away complaining at his parents, the dogs are hard at work. They meet a magical dog sensei, voiced by a gravelly Kris Kristofferson, who teaches them the Way of Mush. Alaskan Joe joins the race, facing off against French guy. The other competitors are also broad stereotypes -- Soviet guy, Scandinavian lady, etc. French guy is a dirty cheater and destroys the competition. But Alaskan Joe has a big heart! His determination, as well as the improbable stamina of six puppies, win the day! The puppies' parents are air-dropped into Alaska to rescue their brood.
He said: The Air Bud movies are not cinema by any stretch of the word. I have fewer nice things to say about the many, many puppy spinoffs that Disney has foisted upon the world. Snow Buddies is astonishingly light on the Christmas cheer. It's really just your standard kids' dog movie. Alaskan Joe is a bland blandy-bland who has been in a million other bad family films. The buddies are obnoxious, even offensive, stereotypes. Also. flatulent dogs are not as funny as you'd think. It's dumb. There are countless films that are better for your dumb kid to watch.
Feminism: Uh, I guess the "girl" puppy is smarter than everyone. She loves pink! That's a character trait, right?
Shoehorned Christmas cheer: Barely acknowledged. This is a post-Christmas film.
Sequel potential: No more!
Manly sighs: Great and powerful.
Flatulence: Powerful and timely.
Candy canes: 1
She said: This movie sounds terrible. Based on this synopsis, sleeping was a wise choice.
Sappiness: Nonexistent
Gore level: It sounds like the dog race had the potential to be bloody.
Cute animals: Nope
Loud kids that are supposed to be cute but are really annoying: Mostly dogs
Days left of this review series: 3
Candy canes: 1
Final Score: 1 Candy Cane
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