Christmas Kiss
Netflix synopsis: After a spontaneous kiss, a struggling designer ends up falling in love with her demanding boss's boyfriend as she decorates his home for a Christmas party.
*Gideon commentary is in red.
*Sam commentary is in black.
*Gideon commentary is in red.
*Sam commentary is in black.
The rundown: Set in a parallel universe where Bostonians have lost their accents, Wendy is a struggling interior decorator. She is the minion for Priscilla Meaniepants, who holds the city's theater scene in her iron grip. Wendy was once an aspiring Shakespearean actress, but her love of food and shelter forced her to bow to Meaniepants's rule. As she is on the clock 24/7, she has to remove herself from a girls' night to run errands for Meaniepants. She's all bedecked in glitter and Christmas cheer, but is stuck in the penthouse elevator. Coincidentally, a wealthy Canadian man with a fake American accent is stuck with her! "This feels right, eh?" he spouts as he wraps his oversized hands about her. Can this be true love? Or is is assault?
The next day at work, Wendy meets Meaniepants's boyfriend and he is the same guy from the elevator! What a coincidence! The boyfriend is a super rich philanthropist, so we'll call him Phil Moneymoney. Meaniepants tells Wendy she will be designing Moneymoney's Christmas party, where Wendy will be able to network with all the people involved in Boston theatre. It's the dream, but can Wendy work with a guy she shared a spark with in the elevator that one time? Wendy tries to get out of it and fails. Luckily, she finds herself falling for Moneymoney when he tells her about his first edition of A Christmas Carol, given to him by his dead grandma. Wendy thinks this is adorable and draws up a design based on the book.
Meaniepants interprets Moneymoney's requests for "sentimental ambiance" and "homey design" as "nouveau riche trying too hard." Since Wendy is his One True Love, she designs something that he likes. Meaniepants hates it, but takes credit for it when Moneymoney robotically enjoys the Dickensian theme. "Oh wow. There are three trees. This looks great, eh?" Since Wendy is an utterly passive character, she does absolutely nothing. Her roommates, who only serve to sassily tell her off, try to convince her to do something rational. But Wendy will have none of that. She shall do nothing and hope for a man to save her. CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE!
One of Wendy's sassy roommates faces Meaniepants's wrath when helping decide where to set up trees for the party. During this verbal assault, Wendy's roommate becomes so angry she accidentally knocks Meaniepants in the face with a pole. Meaniepants looks hilariously deformed (read: slightly bruised) and decides to go stay with her mother for a few days until she looks less disgusting. This leaves Wendy to design the part on her own. She commissions Moneymoney to help decorate a tree, and he repays her by taking her out for booze and pizza. He tells her, "I never get to have pizza with all the fancy people I work with. It's so nice to spend time with a commoner." She takes this as a compliment. Then he tells her he plans to propose to Meaniepants and asks her if he should do it on a carriage ride. She says no. He asks if she wants to go on a carriage ride with him to test out how romantic a proposal would be. She says yes, because she lets people walk all over her constantly.
While his One True Love is away, Moneymoney has a shirtless scene in which he scowls. I think he was hired for this. He decides to return the super expensive Milanese diamond engagement ring, rather than spend his life roped to Meaniepants. On their last day together alone, Moneymoney gives Wendy Walkoverme a collection of Christmas films. "Let's have a festive marathon then get some Tim Horton's!" he seductively suggests. They eat Chinese food, cry together over The Muppets Christmas Carol, then fall asleep on the couch. Oh no! Meaniepants discovers them, fires Wendy and insists that she is engaged to Moneymoney. Since our Canadian hero is almost as passive as his One True Love, he just shrugs and huffs about. Meaniepants calls the celebrity gossip columunist to announce their "engagement party." Wendy sits at home and cries, because that's all she can do.
The film ends predictably. Moneymoney finally tells Meaniepants to take a hike, finds Wendy at a holiday party and tells her he likes her and stuff. She says he loves her so he says he fell in love too, because why not? They kiss in the elevator and the rest is history.
The next day at work, Wendy meets Meaniepants's boyfriend and he is the same guy from the elevator! What a coincidence! The boyfriend is a super rich philanthropist, so we'll call him Phil Moneymoney. Meaniepants tells Wendy she will be designing Moneymoney's Christmas party, where Wendy will be able to network with all the people involved in Boston theatre. It's the dream, but can Wendy work with a guy she shared a spark with in the elevator that one time? Wendy tries to get out of it and fails. Luckily, she finds herself falling for Moneymoney when he tells her about his first edition of A Christmas Carol, given to him by his dead grandma. Wendy thinks this is adorable and draws up a design based on the book.
Meaniepants interprets Moneymoney's requests for "sentimental ambiance" and "homey design" as "nouveau riche trying too hard." Since Wendy is his One True Love, she designs something that he likes. Meaniepants hates it, but takes credit for it when Moneymoney robotically enjoys the Dickensian theme. "Oh wow. There are three trees. This looks great, eh?" Since Wendy is an utterly passive character, she does absolutely nothing. Her roommates, who only serve to sassily tell her off, try to convince her to do something rational. But Wendy will have none of that. She shall do nothing and hope for a man to save her. CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE!
One of Wendy's sassy roommates faces Meaniepants's wrath when helping decide where to set up trees for the party. During this verbal assault, Wendy's roommate becomes so angry she accidentally knocks Meaniepants in the face with a pole. Meaniepants looks hilariously deformed (read: slightly bruised) and decides to go stay with her mother for a few days until she looks less disgusting. This leaves Wendy to design the part on her own. She commissions Moneymoney to help decorate a tree, and he repays her by taking her out for booze and pizza. He tells her, "I never get to have pizza with all the fancy people I work with. It's so nice to spend time with a commoner." She takes this as a compliment. Then he tells her he plans to propose to Meaniepants and asks her if he should do it on a carriage ride. She says no. He asks if she wants to go on a carriage ride with him to test out how romantic a proposal would be. She says yes, because she lets people walk all over her constantly.
While his One True Love is away, Moneymoney has a shirtless scene in which he scowls. I think he was hired for this. He decides to return the super expensive Milanese diamond engagement ring, rather than spend his life roped to Meaniepants. On their last day together alone, Moneymoney gives Wendy Walkoverme a collection of Christmas films. "Let's have a festive marathon then get some Tim Horton's!" he seductively suggests. They eat Chinese food, cry together over The Muppets Christmas Carol, then fall asleep on the couch. Oh no! Meaniepants discovers them, fires Wendy and insists that she is engaged to Moneymoney. Since our Canadian hero is almost as passive as his One True Love, he just shrugs and huffs about. Meaniepants calls the celebrity gossip columunist to announce their "engagement party." Wendy sits at home and cries, because that's all she can do.
The film ends predictably. Moneymoney finally tells Meaniepants to take a hike, finds Wendy at a holiday party and tells her he likes her and stuff. She says he loves her so he says he fell in love too, because why not? They kiss in the elevator and the rest is history.
He said: Ugh. This was bad one. Like "Christmas Crush" and "Holiday Engagement," this was a by-the-numbers romcom with a thin veneer of holiday cheer. Unlike those movies, "Christmas Kiss" does not have any likable characters, primary or secondary, to make the exercise worthwhile. The male lead's accent is amusing enough for a few scenes, but that doesn't really make a compelling character. Wendy is very good at believably crying, but she is utterly passive and directionless. Her big moment at the end, where she tells off Moneymoney, is totally unnecessary since he's in the process of slowly dumping the awful woman. It's fluff. Dull, dull fluff.
There is a scene where a bad camera pan makes it look like the male lead is keeping the engagement ring in the crotch of his pajama pants. That's funny.
Feminism: Appalling
Shoehorned Christmas cheer: Forced
Sequel potential: No
Manly sighs: Ugh
Bechdel Test: Failed
Candy canes: 1
She said: This is the normal fare for a Christmas romantic comedy, so I'll have to critique it based on that and not based on how good it is in relation to regular romantic comedies. As usual, everything falls together perfectly in this movie and all the characters learn something about themselves in the end. I'm not sure Wendy's boss learns much besides the importance of scheming more quietly, but her character isn't meant for development. I praised Holiday Engagement for creating a truly unlikable antagonist, but I can't do that here. Wendy's boss seems to sad to hate and too calculating to believe. She openly admits that she arranged to meet Moneymoney just so she could get in on his social status and apparent attractiveness. (Personally I did not find this man attractive. His lips were too scary looking and his topless scene was not very impressive.)
I kind of like Wendy, so I guess that's a point in the movie's favor. Overall, it's your standard Christmas movie. There's no deviation from the norm here; there's not even a dancing man in a cell phone costume! It's not bad, but it ain't good.
Sappiness: Enough to give you cavities
Gore level: Boss lady does look pretty terrible after she's hit in the face.
Cute animals: None! Though Moneymoney kind of resembles a bulldog.
Loud kids that are supposed to be cute but are really annoying: Not one
Stupid plot devices: The entire film is consumed by this. "I'm not going to say anything about it being my design!" says Wendy. "I'll pretend I'm engaged to get Wendy to GTFO!" says Meaniepants. It's awful
Candy canes: 2.5
I kind of like Wendy, so I guess that's a point in the movie's favor. Overall, it's your standard Christmas movie. There's no deviation from the norm here; there's not even a dancing man in a cell phone costume! It's not bad, but it ain't good.
Sappiness: Enough to give you cavities
Gore level: Boss lady does look pretty terrible after she's hit in the face.
Cute animals: None! Though Moneymoney kind of resembles a bulldog.
Loud kids that are supposed to be cute but are really annoying: Not one
Stupid plot devices: The entire film is consumed by this. "I'm not going to say anything about it being my design!" says Wendy. "I'll pretend I'm engaged to get Wendy to GTFO!" says Meaniepants. It's awful
Candy canes: 2.5
Final Score: 1.75 candy canes
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